What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
