he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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