Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
