I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
