Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i think i just lost a toe
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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