I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
