His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
