i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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