One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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