Only a mothe r could love this liver
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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