No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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