The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
