Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
are you still at the devil's house?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
