I wish I could teleport
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
