I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
