I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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