well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
