Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
