ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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