Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
