Don't you send me to vm
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
