I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
