i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize