i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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