3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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