i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
