apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
