I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize