i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You made out with two different species that night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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