he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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