i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
