just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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