I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
