I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize