Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
