Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
