Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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