hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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