lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The maid of honor just puked.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
