He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
