Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
