If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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