my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
