i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
