I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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