You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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