so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, beer. Big fan.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
