thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
