i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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