Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
