ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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