too bad you live with your parents still
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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