My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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