So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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