i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
