Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize