I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
