If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
