were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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