yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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