My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
