you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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