I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
