tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
