first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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