I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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