P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
